Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
