My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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