i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
