Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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