i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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