boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
