I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and she was petting her beer can
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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