Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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