I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
