He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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