i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
