I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
