just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The air taste purple.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
