I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
