Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
