You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
