You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
