dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Two words: nipple clamps
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize