Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
