do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
