i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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