All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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