ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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