I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
