you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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