I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
4 words: hood of his car
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
