Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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