Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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