i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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