what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
