i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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