I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
