You really coming over, don't trick.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
