U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Say something about gay babies.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
