you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
