there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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