This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
