I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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