Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
