Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
