shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
