I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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