I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
