he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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