Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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