Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize