They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
