my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
