apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
