I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
