I'm going to jail i love you
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
