My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
