bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
