I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
