Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
