So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
