it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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