Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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