Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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