she looked like the bat from fern gully.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
