Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
