so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
