I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
