No, you can still breathe under the balls.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
