I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
