singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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