I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
