i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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