Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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