I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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