you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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