Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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