Whod you bang
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize