Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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