and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
